You might call this a story, but you might not.

It may or may not contain: tourniquets, drinks made in coconut shells, people you want to know but don't, lies of immense importance, self-aggrandizing behavior, characters of the invented variety, lists of no apparent purpose.

You may or may not care. But no matter what, it should be wild, entertaining, and make us stop breathing for short periods of time.

Please submit a single story of no more than 5K words for consideration.